I found my friend, Confucius, pondering the imponderable in the middle of the Cheonggyecheon (청 계천) stream that runs down the middle of Seoul in South Korea. I asked him if he would join me for a pint at the local pub and we proceeded to have a deep philosophical conversation ...
Confucius: Christian, respect yourself and others will respect you.
Christian: What is that supposed to mean, C? Who have you been talking to?
Confucius: What the superior man seeks is in himself; what the small man seeks is in others.
Christian: Who are you calling small? Look in the mirror, my friend, you are about an inch taller than a Care Bear.
Confucius: Faced with what is right, to leave it undone shows a lack of courage.
Christian: That sounds like a dare. See that angry-looking linebacker by the bar? I am going to challenge him to a thumb war.
Confucius: Christian, he who learns but does not think, is lost! He who thinks but does not learn is in great danger.
Christian: C, the only thing that is lost are my car keys and the only thing that is in great danger are those buffalo wings if you don't eat them.
Confucius: And remember, no matter where you go, there you are.
Christian: Dude, are you sure you are OK to drive?
Confucius: Be not ashamed of mistakes and thus make them crimes.
Christian: The only crime you should be ashamed of is not talking to that lady over at the next table who keeps giving you the "come-hither" look.
Confucius: Never impose on others what you would not choose for yourself.
Christian: I choose life!
Confucius: It does not matter how slowly you go so long as you do not stop.
Christian: ... in bed.
Confucius: You're an idiot. I am going back to the stream to continue pondering.
Christian: Naw baby, don't go to sleep angry. Come back.
Confucius is a little feisty, but we are totally BFFs.